Vamp (1986)

poster About A group of fraternity pledges take a trip to the other side of the tracks in hopes of coercing an erotic dancer to perform at their big party.  Turns out the strip club they choose is actually a vampire den.  What a boner crusher 😦

Review

This movie has been floating around Netflix for a while.  I’d always avoided it because of the androgynous Ronald McDonald in the poster art, but then someone told me it was actually pretty good so I watched it.  And hey, it was actually pretty good! DeDee Pheiffer plays an ingenuous cocktail waitress with a secret: where does she know one of our leading men from, and why doesn’t he remember her?  (Spoiler: they met at a party last summer).  The film also stars Gedde Watanabe, that guy the studio calls in any time they need an actor to stereotype Asians.

gedde It’s cool – he just wants to party

The movie starts off with some weird fraternity ritual, where some pledges are being led up to a belltower to be hung from a noose, or to be led to believe they’d be hung from one.  I was never in a fraternity so I don’t know how this stuff really works.  Anyways, two of the pledges declare the whole process really stupid, which it is, and say the only reason they want to join their frat is because it’s supposed to be the tits.  In lieu of participating in their fantasy ritual, they tell the frat masters that they’ll supply them with booze for their big party tonight AND throw in a stripper, because, yeah – these guys know all the right people in all the right places.  Oh, the things boys do to get into their frat.

Already I’m having trouble with whats going on: 1. What kind of frat plans to throw a party without booze in the first place? 2. Why do the elder fratsmen need these pledges to supply them with the booze? 3. Why do these ultra too-cool-for-school freshman want to join a frat that neither plans a party with booze nor has the means to acquire it themselves?

frat Cons: major dorks.  Pros: frequent cloak-wearing opportunties 

In any case, a deal is struck and our cocky fresh fish are granted preferred access to this sacred institution provided they come through with the booze and boobs.  But wait – these guys have access to liquor and strippers but it is apparently beyond their reach to know anyone with a car.  I don’t suppose this is the kind of errand you can ask your parents to drive you on.  It’s ok though, because the rich kid on campus with no friends is willing to let them use his Cadillac so long as they agree to be his friend for the week! Man, these guys pull some serious weight.

usa True American badasses

In the days before GPS or google maps, people just started driving and hoped they’d eventually run into what they were looking for.  After casually crashing into a semi truck and then running afoul of the local gang of albino miscreants, the fellahs finally find a strip club haven.  After a few so-so warm-up acts, the surly troupe of barflies is mesmerized by Katrina, the aforementioned stripper with scary Ronald McDonald for a head and an Australian aborigine cave painting for a body.  One of our frosh studs goes back to smooth talk her into doing a little private show for the brothers back on campus, but she’s more interested in swallowing his throat.

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Right after she’s through giving this zebra chair the ride of its life

The vampires in this movie are pretty badass. Like the undead from Fright Night, their whole faces go into beast mode when its time to devour, instead of the boring and subtle lengthening of the incisors.  Sooner or later the act is over and the vampires decide to stop playing nice and turn their out of town admirers into a midnight snack.  At least they got to see boobs before they die. fangs

Overall: 7

Vamp bills itself as a horror-comedy, and while there are no laugh out loud moments (not that I was expecting any), it’s light and funny enough to be really enjoyable without losing it’s spooky edge or becoming too stupid.  Sure, you’ve got the same script inconsistencies that seem to plague every low-budget horror movie, but they aren’t integral to the plot.  By the time this story gets rolling it stays on the rails.gif2
flaming vampire skull approved

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