Children of the Corn (1984)

children_of_the_corn_poster_01 About:

A road-tripping couple winds up in a town populated by creepy kids with sinister biblical names who worship corn demons.

Review:

I bought this movie at a yard sale for a buck when I was a kid, and I’ve held on to it all this time so that one day I could review it in a blog entry no one would read.  As far as film adaptations of Stephen King stories go this one is high up on the list.  That could be just an indictment of movies based on Stephen King stories (it is), but Children of the Corn is actually a pretty good movie in its own right. The movie begins 3 years before the present day.  Church is getting out and the townspeople are off to the local diner for a lazy Sunday brunch.  The eggs are barely poached before a group of surly kids pull out their cleavers and start hacking up the grown-ups!

School’s out forever!!!

Fast-forward to the present day.  A couple – the lady who plays Sarah Connor in the Terminator movies and her henpecked husband – are hopelessly attempting to navigate the Nebraska outlands when they run over an Amish kid.  Shit!  Better drop this little guy off on the doorstep of the nearest constable.  Luckily they are a couple miles outside a town called Gatlin.

joseph We’re definitely not making it to Omaha before dinner.

The town is abandoned of course, save for a religious cult of children brandishing sharp and pointy farm tools.  They don’t take too kindly to outsiders, especially those who are well-past the sacrificing age of 19.  Note: avoid Nebraska at all costs.

Children of the Corn is based on a short story of the same title by Stephen King.  There aren’t a lot of differences between the two except the story is much more gruesome and in the end the bad guys win.  The Shining notwithstanding, it has been my experience that movies based off of Stephen King stories are more often misses than they are hits.  Despite the horrible child acting and cringe-worthy special effects, Children of the Corn is one of the hits, mostly because the subject itself is just so darn eerie.  And the movie itself is pretty much just the short story on screen; it did not take a whole lot of creative vision to transform an already very spooky and well-articulated tale into the film.  But let’s instead talk more about the stuff that sucked.

outlandurr“OUTLANDURRR!”

By 1984 the Star Wars movies had raised the bar for what we’d come to accept as convincing movie magic.  There is really no excuse for the special effects in this movie looking like a high-school audio-visual project.  The makeup and fake blood is fine, but some of the post-production editing really falls flat.  The scene where Isaac is sacrificed to ‘He Who Walks Behind the [Corn]Rows,’ should have been a cinch; at the very least it’s a death scene that could have been implied and left out all-together.  Instead we are treated to an awkward and confusing glimpse of him getting enveloped in a swarm of cartoon lava bugs.

lava Not the face! Anywhere but the face!

Anytime you cast a kid, you run the likely risk that they will ham it up worse than a cold-cut platter.  Professional actors spend their entire lives perfecting their craft.  When you film a child who’s only acting experience was in a K-Mart clothing commercial, bad things tend to follow.  Now multiply that ineffectiveness by the dozens of kids who appear in Children of the Corn and you’re in danger of a Phantom Menace-esque type of meltdown.

That’s actually too harsh – most of the “children” with speaking roles were actually adults when this was filmed, so it’s really not that bad.  The guy playing the leader of the children, Isaac, actually looks a lot like Mickey Rooney and even sounds like an old lady with emphysema.   Still, there are a few rug rats who’s delivery is so bad you’ll wish the protagonists had also run over them on their way into town.

Again, it seems unfair to pile on all the shit that was bad about this movie when overall I really like it a lot.  But I would be remiss if I did not mention the last scene, one which is so bad it truly boggles the mind as to how it ever made the final cut.  With Issac and the corn demon dead, leaving behind a town full of confused and emotionally traumatized children,  the adult couple decides that now is a good time to split.  Since their car has been turned into a giant planter for corn stalks, they decide to hoof it to the next town over – the one they should have gone to from the get-go.  Just before one final lame scare, they decide to take with them two of the cuter kids for a couple days…make that a couple weeks.  A month?  Ah fuck it, if a near death experience won’t save our marriage, maybe adopting a couple of kids will!

Overall: 7.5

homer
Boom!

I’ve seen this movie several times and I still love it.  Yes, there are some lame child actors and horrible special effects.  But since the story itself is so chilling and original those just seem like minor imperfections that don’t actually detract from the final product.  It is God’s will that you watch Children of the Corn this fall.

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Vamp (1986)

poster About A group of fraternity pledges take a trip to the other side of the tracks in hopes of coercing an erotic dancer to perform at their big party.  Turns out the strip club they choose is actually a vampire den.  What a boner crusher 😦

Review

This movie has been floating around Netflix for a while.  I’d always avoided it because of the androgynous Ronald McDonald in the poster art, but then someone told me it was actually pretty good so I watched it.  And hey, it was actually pretty good! DeDee Pheiffer plays an ingenuous cocktail waitress with a secret: where does she know one of our leading men from, and why doesn’t he remember her?  (Spoiler: they met at a party last summer).  The film also stars Gedde Watanabe, that guy the studio calls in any time they need an actor to stereotype Asians.

gedde It’s cool – he just wants to party

The movie starts off with some weird fraternity ritual, where some pledges are being led up to a belltower to be hung from a noose, or to be led to believe they’d be hung from one.  I was never in a fraternity so I don’t know how this stuff really works.  Anyways, two of the pledges declare the whole process really stupid, which it is, and say the only reason they want to join their frat is because it’s supposed to be the tits.  In lieu of participating in their fantasy ritual, they tell the frat masters that they’ll supply them with booze for their big party tonight AND throw in a stripper, because, yeah – these guys know all the right people in all the right places.  Oh, the things boys do to get into their frat.

Already I’m having trouble with whats going on: 1. What kind of frat plans to throw a party without booze in the first place? 2. Why do the elder fratsmen need these pledges to supply them with the booze? 3. Why do these ultra too-cool-for-school freshman want to join a frat that neither plans a party with booze nor has the means to acquire it themselves?

frat Cons: major dorks.  Pros: frequent cloak-wearing opportunties 

In any case, a deal is struck and our cocky fresh fish are granted preferred access to this sacred institution provided they come through with the booze and boobs.  But wait – these guys have access to liquor and strippers but it is apparently beyond their reach to know anyone with a car.  I don’t suppose this is the kind of errand you can ask your parents to drive you on.  It’s ok though, because the rich kid on campus with no friends is willing to let them use his Cadillac so long as they agree to be his friend for the week! Man, these guys pull some serious weight.

usa True American badasses

In the days before GPS or google maps, people just started driving and hoped they’d eventually run into what they were looking for.  After casually crashing into a semi truck and then running afoul of the local gang of albino miscreants, the fellahs finally find a strip club haven.  After a few so-so warm-up acts, the surly troupe of barflies is mesmerized by Katrina, the aforementioned stripper with scary Ronald McDonald for a head and an Australian aborigine cave painting for a body.  One of our frosh studs goes back to smooth talk her into doing a little private show for the brothers back on campus, but she’s more interested in swallowing his throat.

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Right after she’s through giving this zebra chair the ride of its life

The vampires in this movie are pretty badass. Like the undead from Fright Night, their whole faces go into beast mode when its time to devour, instead of the boring and subtle lengthening of the incisors.  Sooner or later the act is over and the vampires decide to stop playing nice and turn their out of town admirers into a midnight snack.  At least they got to see boobs before they die. fangs

Overall: 7

Vamp bills itself as a horror-comedy, and while there are no laugh out loud moments (not that I was expecting any), it’s light and funny enough to be really enjoyable without losing it’s spooky edge or becoming too stupid.  Sure, you’ve got the same script inconsistencies that seem to plague every low-budget horror movie, but they aren’t integral to the plot.  By the time this story gets rolling it stays on the rails.gif2
flaming vampire skull approved

The Lost Boys (1987)

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About:

Brothers Michael and Sam have just moved to Santa Carla to live with their grandpa.  Sure, the girls are hot and the beach jams are tasty, but something seems a little off.  For one thing, Michael begins to stay out all night with his new biker gang friends, then sleeps all day.  Sam’s new buddies at the comic store seem convinced that his brother has fallen in with a group of vampires, and set out to prevent his full transformation to a blood sucking creature of the night.

Review:

What can one say about The Lost Boys that hasn’t already been said?  It showcases two of the worst things to ever come out of the 80’s in Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, is chalked full of some of the most horrendous dialogue ever written, and, the coup de grace, this oiled up rock n’ roll sax guy:

So this movie sucks, right? NO! In fact all these things that would normally sink a movie combine together in a way that actually makes it really good!  I guess it is so dumb and cheesy that it transcends any normal expectations you would have and right away you realize you’re watching something a little different.  Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t get to pick on all the goofy things that stick out in this movie.  For instance, what’s up with Corey Haim?

haimster
Aside from the erupting sex appeal, of course

Not really sure what’s going on with this guy.  He has an interesting wardrobe choice, even for an 80’s teenager.  He splits his time between pestering his taxidermist grandpa, cuddling with his pet husky, and flexing his brain muscles at the local comic shop.  In the clip above of the beach concert, his brother Michael is clearly into the hot gypsy chick, while Sam can’t take his eyes of the sexy sax man.  Ok, so maybe he’s just really into those kicking jams.  Can’t argue with that.  But what about that scene where he’s looking for a place to stash gandpa’s taxidermy owl and there’s a poster of an ab-bearing Rob Lowe closet door?

lowe
In your dreams, Haimster

And last but not least, what the hell is up with the scene where this teenaged kid taking a bubble bath and singing into a brush?

It is unfortunate how many Gen-Y girls must have discovered their sexuality to this scene

The special features are a must see…sort of.  The special edition DVD release has an additional disc which is entirely special features, and contains a section titled, I shit you not, “Haimster and Feldog.”  It features the two Coreys – Feldman in his gothic, smug, completely delusional “I’m a Hollywood star” attitude we’re all too familiar with, and a pudgy, frosty-tipped Haim – basically chronicling their bromance and the artistic gift to the world their collaboration inspired.  In fact, the entire special features disc is pretty much just commentary from Haimster and Feldog, presumably because everyone else involved in the movie can still find work.  The only other people on there are director Joel Schumacher, who is practically wetting himself over his idea for a sequel titled The Lost Girls, and the guy who played Max wondering aloud how his character could be written into it, despite dying in the first one.

I gotta say, I really have a lot of disdain for modern Feldman.  Yes, he was a lot of fun as a child actor in the 1980s.  And sure, he’s still relevant in a ‘laughing at you, not with you’ sort of way.  But as an adult this chowderhead just refuses to exit the limelight, instead continuing to try and milk the success of his childhood self, even though that shriveled teet dried up a long time ago.  And the fact that Feldog blocked me on Twitter and told his followers to do the same after one harmless quip at his expense has absolutely nothing to do with my disdain for him.

So lets talk about these vampires.  It seems like in every vampire movie these undead drinkers of blood are always beautiful, noble, and just all around cool kids who you want to become.  But in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland and his bros are a bunch of dirty, unruly biker punks who spend their nights terrorizing the boardwalk.  “Sleep all day, party all night, never grow old.”  It’s a cool little twist on the typical vampire archetype.  And Kiefer really brings it in Lost Boys.  Watching the movie, he is clearly leaps and bounds above the next best actor in terms of ability and general bad-assery.  I also loved seeing Alex Winter of Bill and Ted fame in this.  The guy has played like two characters in his short acting career and they are both classics.

winter
Excellent! (air guitar riff)

The last thing I want to mention about this film is that, given the title, this is obviously a Peter Pan reference, where the lost boys in Neverland never grow old and are looking for a mother.  And yes, that comes into play in the movie, but only at the very end, and only for a a short moment. It’s during the climax of the movie and the reference comes out of left field and you’re like “oh yea, that makes sense,” but then the movie is over before you really had a chance to reflect on it.  The deleted scenes reveal this subplot in depth, where the main vampire Max attempt to turn Sam and Michael’s mother into a maternal figure for the vampire gang.  It is kind of goofy, and the scenes are terrible and were mercifully cut for that reason.  But it seems like this theme should have been explored a little more in the final cut, if for no other reason than to further justify the use of such a bitchin’ title.

Overall: 8

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This movie is as hot as, um…a burning vampire skull (that’s pretty hot, but not, like, the hottest possible)

The Lost Boys will always have a special place in my heart for giving me one of my favorite movie quotes of all time in, “Maggots, Michael; you’re eating maggots, how do they taste?”

It’s a great horror-comedy that is both fun and really refreshing in its simplicity.  You will laugh at the absurdity of some of the dialogue, but also enjoy the fast pace and general likability of the movie as a whole.  Chances are you’ve seen The Lost Boys.  If you haven’t, do yourself a solid and see it now.  If you have, treat yourself and watch it again!

 

Basket Case (1982)

basket_case_xlg

 

About:

Duane Bradley has just moved to New York City with his brother to meet some old friends. Except his brother is a deformed malicious blob who he carries around in a whicker basket, and their old friends are the cruel doctors who cut them apart when they were kids.

Review:

I had actually never even heard of Basket Case until I saw it referenced in a Trent Shy claymation video at the Crimson Screen Horror Film Festival in Charleston, SC:

How have I never seen this?  Basket Case was really good.  It was super gory and campy as all hell.  When your monster is a foot-tall blob of deformed flesh the campiness sort of comes naturally, but it’s especially charming in this case.  From what I could tell the monster, little Bilal, was portrayed by rubber gloves, a mask, and a puppet.  These were all done really well.  However there were one or two scenes where he was shown through some truly horrible stop motion animation.  The only example I could find of this online is a hilarious mashup of ABBA’s Dancing Queen set to Bilal going full Rolling Stones mode on a hotel room:

Having the time of his liiiife…

It is revealed in a flashback scene that the boys’ asshole father blames Bilal for their mother’s death during birth.  No respectable physicians will agree to separate the two, so the dad brings in three quacks to perform the operation in their dining room.  Amazingly Bilal survives and years later the two set out to exact revenge on the doctors who cut them apart.

Perhaps the freakiest part of this movie was the noise track – Bilal is often shrieking like a banshee getting bludgeoned by an alley cat, and the kill scenes are to the tunes of atonal Moog sounds mixed with various animal noises and loud sirens.

Basket Case was bordering on greatness until the ending, which was so hilarious that it still makes this a must-see.  As it turns out, this whole movie really boils down to just a couple of horny bros looking for some action.  You can imagine having to bend to every whim of your psychopathic deformed twin might make having a love life a little difficult.  So when Duane meets a total babe from the city, Bilal gets jealous that he’s not getting any hanky-panky.  Being the man of action that he is, he sets out to show this girl that it’s he who is the more charming of the two. And while I’m reluctant to publish any adult content on this site, I did feel it was necessary to share a certain visual from the film, which I do so now without comment:

bilal humps

The craziness doesn’t end there.  The final 10 minutes of the movie are perhaps the best, if only because they are completely outrageous and totally out of character with everything that came before it.  As close as they are, the movie ends with yet another pair of victims who failed to adhere to that sacred adage, “bros before hoes.”

Overall: 9

Hell Fire!!!!

hellfire

Basket Case is a legitimately good movie.  It made sense (which always earns major bonus points for movies like these), was very campy, and also quite creepy.  The idea for this film was really original and has obviously been the inspiration of several works which have followed it.  And you know what? I’m not even going to bother with the physics of a little blob of flesh being able to manhandle full grown men.  Little Bilal is all upper-body strength and that’s just that.

Dead Alive (1992)

Untitled

About:

Lionel Cosgrove lives with his domineering mother in a small town in New Zealand.  When she dies after being bitten by a rare monkey, she comes back to life as a voracious zombie, infecting other townsfolk as Lionel frantically tries to clean up her mess.

Review:

Do you know what Peter Jackson was doing before he cashed in on the Lord of the Rings movies?  He was making ultra gory B horror movies like Dead Alive.  Released as Braindead in New Zealand, the title was changed for the US release because we already a movie called Brain Dead (which had Bill Paxton AND Bill Pullman in it!)

Dead Alive is a horror-comedy, the purpose of which is not so much to tell a story or inspire fear, but to showcase a flood of home-made special effects and over-the-top, never-ending gore.  I tried eating a plate of spaghetti while watching this, and trust me –  that was a big mistake.  But the while the movie is visceral, it is also very well-done and extremely creative.  If there had merely been a high body count with buckets of blood then that’d be one thing.  Yet Dead Alive puts so much detail into every death, inventing new ways to shock, sicken, and delight us with its quirky special effects as the movie goes on.

The movie opens in 1957 on Skull Island, where a New Zealand explorer has captured a Sumatran rat monkey, which according to legend was bred when plagued rats scurried off of slaves ships and raped all the native tree monkeys.  In an homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark he is pursued by angry natives and finally bests the savages by jumping into the back of a vehicle to leave them hopping up and down, angrily shaking sticks.

The Sumatran rat monkey ends up in a zoo and is a real piece of shit.  First this little rat bastard is beating up on all the other fun-loving monkeys, then it finally passes its zombifying plague onto Lionel’s mother.

He got what was coming to him

The absurd grossness begins there and doesn’t stop until the ending credits.  After Lionel’s mom is bitten she dies and comes back to life a flesh-craving zombie.  Being the loving and oedipal son that he is, he can’t bring himself to bury her reanimated corpse in the cold ground, so instead keeps her locked up in the basement with the rest of her zombie buddies, sedating them every so often with massive amounts of animal tranquilizer.  Occasionally one of them would wander off, but overall Lionel has the situation pretty much under control.

Shit really hits the fan once Lionel’s slimeball Uncle Les discovers all the tranquilized stiffs in the basement and threatens to call the police unless Lionel gives him his mother’s inheritance, including the house.  And what better way is there to celebrate inheriting a buttload of cash and a mansion from your dead sister than inviting the whole town over for a giant party?  Of course the zomboners in the basement get loose and the next 45 minutes or so is a fantastic expose of blood and guts.

There are really far too many great scenes from the movie to post here so I just encourage you to find a copy and watch it.  If nothing else, Dead Alive is 100% pure entertainment.

Overall: 8.5

HOT HOT HOT

giphy

Dead Alive is a must see.  Billed as the goriest movie ever made, it does not disappoint.  And unlike setting all this disgusting gore to a serious and disturbing plot that might actually make you lose sleep and question your moral principles, the movie is hilarious so it’s all in great fun.  Plus, who doesn’t love New Zealanders?

Fright Night (1985)

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About:

Charlie Brewster has reason to believe that his mysterious new neighbor is actually a murderous vampire.  After his worst fears are confirmed he sets out to slay the monster before it kills him and everyone he loves.

Review:

I first saw this a few years ago and thought, “Wow, what a fun horror movie.  This is truly a classic.”  A couple of years later I saw the remake and thought it was also good, but nowhere near as great as the irreplaceable original I saw first.  Then last night I watched the original again for the purpose of writing this review, and, well, I just didn’t know what to believe anymore.  It was ok – I liked it.  But it wasn’t the same movie I remember being better than the remake.  As blasphemous as it sounds, it was actually much worse.

First of all, the leading lady in the remake is played by the adorable albeit unfortunately named Imogen Poots, whereas her character in the original is played by some chick who looked like Blanche from Golden Girls.

snoods
Not even close

And yea, I get it – a lot of people didn’t like the remake because everyone’s least favorite actor Colin Farrell got to star in it.  Now I don’t know what he ever did to deserve this shit storm of malice people seem to have for him, but remember that man was the balls in Minority Report, so lets all cut him a little slack.

I had to watch the remake again to confirm that I liked it better.  I knew they had it at the public library here because that’s where I got it five years ago when it first came out.  Sure enough they still had like 10 copies sitting there, but because I had racked up such an intimidating amount of overdue fees on Twilight books over the years I was not allowed to rent it until I paid that tab back down to 0. This now makes three libraries where my hefty fines prevent me from taking anything out.

After a couple of unsuccessful stops at RedBoxes, I decided that the purpose of this blog isn’t to compare original films to their remakes anyways, or at least not until I can get my hands on the newer Fright Night.

Back to the original: I loved the special effects in this.  There were three vampire deaths, which doesn’t seem like much, until you consider that the way each died was more fantastic and horrifying that the last.  I don’t know who decided CGI looked better, but nothing compares to the creative SFX that go into animating a vampire turning into skeleton soup.

Charlie Brewster is the main character in this movie, but we don’t know anything about him other than he lives next door to a vampire and goes out with a girl who looks like his mom.  What’s his story?  How do I know I don’t want this guy getting gobbled up by a vampire?  His little buddy Evil Ed, on the other hand, is quite the character, and I can’t quite determine if his shrill portrayal is tantamount to idiocy or brilliance.

When he realizes he is living next to a vampire Charlie enlists the help of TV star Peter Vincent the Vampire Killer, host of the show Fright Night, who luckily happens to live in town.  At this point Vincent is on his ass and out of a job, but he cleans up nicely and puts together with a cubic briefcase crammed with vampire killing accoutrements to help Charlie do the deed.

vincent
Unfortunately he left it in the car

The main vampire is Jerry Dandridge, which is perhaps the least intimidating Vampire name ever thought up.  Don’t let the name fool you though – this guy is one smooth operator.  Guy has a killer hair cut and an equally cool duster jacket to match.  All told, he’s not too far off from Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt on the vampire coolness scale.  Although it is a little concerning that he lives with a hetero life mate/man-servant.

bros
Bro-ing out hard

Jerry is pissed at Charlie because he keeps hassling him for being a vampire, and their feuding evolves when Jerry realizes that Charlie’s girlfriend Amy looks just like his old vampire girlfriend.  Thankfully this never goes beyond that to the Maury Povich level, but it does kind of teeter on the brink when Amy gets bitten and turns into evil Steven Tyler.

amy2
Eh…still not doing anything for me

Overall: 6

Campfire_2
a reliable flame, good for marshmallows and telling ghost stories, but nothing that gonna singe your eyebrows off

So I’ve been thinking that ranking these movies solely on a 1-10 scale is pretty boring.  In going with the theme of this blog, (in which Camp is a double entendre for both the style of these movies and also the setting for a great deal of them – get it??) I’ve decided to accompany the traditional numeric ranking with a strength of campfire – or at least something camp-related.

I was a little disappointed in Fright Night, to be honest, because I remembered it being so much better.  Don’t get me wrong – it was the cheesy kind of horror movie I like, the kind that doesn’t take itself to seriously but also has a plot that is easy to follow and isn’t confounded by glaring holes.  It did seem to drag at times, though; the movie is an hour and a half and Charlie first voices his fears over his neighbor in the very first scene.  I don’t know why it took another 90 minutes for him to gather his buddies up for the final showdown.  Maybe when I finally see the remake again it will be so much worse than I remember that it’ll make the original a lot better.

Bloody Birthday (1981)

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About

Three kids are born in the same hospital at the exact moment of a solar eclipse.  Ten years later they go on a killing spree, without motive or remorse.  A suspicious pair of siblings are the only ones to suspect that the children are responsible for the string of recent deaths.

Review

What in the hell did I just watch?  This is the second worst movie I’ve reviewed on here so far.  The fact that there is any plot at all, however lame and soporific, keeps it a notch above the Hellgate benchmark.  However, critics don’t seem to hate it nearly as much, so view it at your own risk.

So this trio of ten year olds just decide to start greasing everyone they know, and thats pretty much the whole movie.  Only about halfway through are we offered up a weak ass motive for their kill-fest when this bozo girl who apparently has been tracking the entire town’s horoscopes reveals that the solar eclipse at the time of their birth blocked out Saturn, which caused them to be born without a conscience.

kids
Good for nothin’ no conscience-havin’ pricks

It’s never revealed why they waited a couple of days before their tenth birthdays to go apeshit, but I’m assuming there’s an astrological explanation for that as well.  The title of the movie indicates, obviously, that this is a birthday movie.  Sounds fun!  However the movie takes place over a few days and, yes, there is a short birthday scene, but the fact that it is these kids’ birthday has no significance on the plot.  That really bummed me out.  I was hoping for someone to choke and die on a piece of cake or get stabbed with one of those pointy birthday hats.  No such luck.

solar system
Who needs birthday parties when you can hang with your sister and play with a kick-ass model of the solar system?

This trio of imps consists of an albino-looking doofus who doesn’t say anything and seems like he was only included as part of a last-minute rewrite, a prissy and primped little biatch, and a bespectacled poindexter prancing around like a badass in a Steve McQueen Baracuta jacket (definitely on my birthday wish list) who seems to be the leader of the group.  This dork is a particularly stinking asshole, and a creepy little pervert to boot.

Gotta respect the cool of that jacket though

Usually there is some kind of mystery over who the killer is in these types of movies, but we find out in the first 15 minutes that its these little gremlins doing all the damage.  On top of that these are just some normal-ish looking twerps, thus, there is nothing scary about this movie.  There’s no frightening guy with a burned up face and knives for fingers, nor is there any shock scares of someone being chased by the unknown.  Nope, it’s just three little kids beating up on adults in broad daylight.  Because there is nothing left to the imagination the plot plateaus almost immediately.  Consistent intervals of gratuitous boobs was the only thing that kept me from dozing off.

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Come on…make with the boobs already

Even the killings are boring. Maybe the whole creepy kid angle would’ve worked if they cannibalized their victims or something, but aside from an arrow here or there their preferred method of killing is a shoot and run.  And that’s just not going to cut it for someone who’s high tolerance for horror demands some seriously sick shit!

Overall: 3

The worst kind of horror movie is a boring one.  It was hard to get into this from the get go, and instead of ever being scared, I only ended up getting mad that no one was beating the shit out of Curtis.